dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
