Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
