Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
