i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
