What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
