I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
