Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
