its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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