The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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