Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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