Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
