i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
