How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
