I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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