Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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