Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
