How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
