i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We left an ass print on the piano.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
