We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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