dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
