My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Come see our sink grown plant.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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