I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
