I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
