all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
