hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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