i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
