If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
