this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
