why im i the only drunk person in the library?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
