I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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