When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
