And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
