pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
