Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
