Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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