I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm like, not good at living.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
