you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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