it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
