I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
