id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
