At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
