is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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