Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
