We got so high we made milksteak
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
