Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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