Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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