You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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