we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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