About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
