Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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