i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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